A dog-shaped void

on finding holes that were once filled

Dear Musers

Thank you for reading. This will be my last newsletter for the year. I have been overwhelmed by the love and support you have shown me over this year, despite my rather erratic publishing.

Today, I came home from yoga to an empty house for the first time in my memory. The boys are all out doing their thing, living in country Victoria, doing a placement in country Victoria and being a part of a Motorsport team during their race week. M has gone to watch the car race.

And Bella is no longer here.

Bella on her last morning

It’s an awful/wonderful thing to love and to lose, to be depended upon/to have all control. Without love, there is no grief.

On Thursday, I tuned into Bella’s restlessness and realised she was done. She’d stopped eating and drinking on Wednesday. On Thursday, she started dragging her leg, stumbling. I sat with her in my lap and talked to her. I thanked her for all she had given to us. For the laughs we got, the never ending licks, the running up and down the h…