A long time between news bites

Hello, my friends!

Thank you so much for subscribing to my tiny occasional letter. I see you Leonie, Kate (Oh, my goodness, Kate! If you haven't read Kate's new book that launched since the last newsletter, you need to get a hold of it. The Mother Fault is amazing. Her launch was also an astounding online affair), Kim, Shelley, Cathy and ...Stu (who I don't know, or maybe I do, but don't know your email, so extra points to you for signing up to a stranger's tiny letter). Yeah, I know...not many, but you are all dear to me because you bothered to sign up and have my words pop into your email when you last expect it. You are all delightful for coming along this bumpy path with me as I bash out some words while trying to make sense of the world around me. I promise nothing and may only deliver a mess of words. I ask your forgiveness in advance. 

It's over a month since the last time I wrote something here. Maybe this has to do with the busyness/flatness of life at the moment. The tail end of Term 3 exhausted me more than it usually does and I know I'm not alone with this. The combination of winter blues, a long term with no public holidays, juggling work/home life balance and the big one, COVID all leads to a tiredness that is a lot. At the end of the term, I drove and rode around delivering English and library books to 8 classes of students and it was probably the most heartwarming thing I have done for a while. It was incredible to see the diversity of homes and to gain that insight into where each of them are coming from. What was more incredible though was seeing the smiles on all of their faces as they saw another human bringing them a book. Oh, how we all miss that human interaction. 

I'm in a new book club and it is everything I had ever wanted from a book club. It is with some dear friends who all love reading and while we could only do our book club online, it was wonderful to be with others who wanted to dissect a book to that degree. I can't wait for our next one. 

I was talking to my sister yesterday and we were musing about how it seems to take a lot more energy than normal at the moment to do anything. It has been a hell of a year. I was telling her that I can't even be bothered baking anymore. It seems like too much effort. My list of jobs to do, projects to tackle is so immense that even looking at the list exhausts me.

In the last month, I have managed to edit more words in my manuscript and am playing with an additional point of view of my protagonist's daughter, which has been a bit of fun thinking about what a 17-year-old girl married to a rich guy and pregnant with her second kid might think of her dirt-poor, filthy convict mother. After finishing the incredible The Bass Rock by Evie Wyld, I'm now also considering listening to the voices of the daughters who followed as I'm sure they've all got something to say about female oppression, mother-daughter relationships and the social class system. 

Another thing since I last wrote to you is that I became of a mother of a 21-year-old, which seems huge but passed with a blink as he's up in Mildura and the day passed with a tiny phone call. Pfft. Add it to the list of things that haven't turned out the way expected in 2020. 

I'm on holidays now and this means that I get to hang out at home doing all the things I don't get to do normally during school terms, like write this. Initially, I found it really tough to find a reason to do anything. I wanted to see people, do something interesting, do something outside of Stage 4 restrictions. I've pulled myself together though and am reading (just finished A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing by Jessie Tu which was okay but I did get a little bored of her sexual romps), knitting, exercising and having long phone calls with people I'm missing (sister, sons, friends).

I've attended so many online book launches of Australian authors and bought more books than I can probably read from local bookshops who need all the love they can get. Online book events have created so many wonderful opportunities for more people from all over the place to listen to people talk about writing and reading and all that comes with that - all from the comfy chair in your house. I hope this never ends. 

I've found myself longing for a swim more and more as the weather warms up. I imagine myself in my togs dragging my body up and down the pool feeling the water push past me. Ever since I conquered my fear of swimming at the grand age of 18, I have loved being in the pool. There's something about the silence of it how nothing can reach me while I'm in the pool. I do love sea water to swim in as well, but that is still a place where fear meets desire. A place where unknown things can wrap around my legs and pull me under or rips take me out past my depth, but also a place where I am weightless and carefree. 

I sat in my hammock chair the other day and had a feeling that took me a while to recognise what it is, but I finally worked it out: relaxation. I feel estranged from it and am trying to make my way back to it. A place where I have no anxiety, where my heart is calm, where the air is soft, where nothing calls for me. 

This year I am noticing the spring flowers more. On my walks, there seems to be more blossoms than last year, or maybe I'm seeing them more. My orchids are all making their appearances at their own call. I fill vases with flowers from the florist as I need something new and beautiful to fill my eyes and nose. 

The numbers are going down. These days will end and we'll look back on them in the same way generations before us have looked back on their hard days. Some people will be full of stories of what they did. Others will shut down, the memories too hard. I don't know what I'll be. I find it too hard to write about. I find it easier to lose myself in fictional worlds. It seems to make the time pass faster. 

What I've been listening to: The First Time Podcast, The Garrett, Spotify (Imogen Heap, Normal People soundtrack, Lazy Sunday, Mood Booster), Triple J
What I've been watching: The Great, I Hate Suzie, Normal People
What I've been reading since I last wrote (in order of most recent to least): A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing, Ubby's Underdogs, Fog a Dox, Mrs Whitlam, The Bass Rock, Black Cockatoo, A Room Made of Leaves, The Erasure Initiative, The Lost Soul Atlas, Matilda, Lost and Found.
Exercises I've been doing: XBX program, Yoga with Adrienne, all the knee rehab I can do

New books by Australian authors worth buying: The Mother Fault, The Lost Soul Atlas, The Erasure Initiative, A Room Made of Leaves, The Burning Island, Ordinary Matter, The Morbids, The Wreck, Show Me Where It Hurts, Poly. I'm sure there are more, but this is off the top of my head. Check your local bookstore for more ideas. 

It's Love Your Bookshop day next week. Do a good thing and buy a book from them, shout out your love for them on your socials. 

Thanks for reading.

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