autumn

on finding joy in the cooling nights and sparkly days

Hello my dear Musers

one of my three pomegranates hanging in the tree like a lantern

I hope this issue finds you well. I am on the tail end of covid with just a lingering cough. It hasn’t been as bad as the other times I got it, but I’m an impatient sick person and looking forward to being back out in the world. After another two glorious days of autumn, today feels like winter is nipping at my heels.

For the last five or so weeks, a pile of boxes in my office have weighed me down. They’re full of memories, some mine, some not. They’re boxes from Mum and when she died, the four of us siblings spent weeks going through her house having to make far too many decisions while grieving and wrangling the other parts of our lives. At the time, I had a house of three Korean students in addition to my three boys and one of my sons was spiralling into a deep hole of dire mental health that would consume much of our time for a few years.

At some point, boxes were piled into my brother’s car and they were stored until now. We’re all pitching in to go through the boxes and I stuck my hand up for things that had story strong in them — books, words and photos. I’ve always been drawn to things that have story.

Two boxes were books with my dad’s and mum’s adolescent handwriting in them, books with excellent drawings, books with inscriptions to Mum and Dad. Another box was full of all the cards and letters from when Dad died 24 years ago, notes of love and grief with Mum’s writing on the back with their return address and a tick indicating she had replied to them (oh, the flooding weight of grief). This box also had all the drawings and notes from the primary school kids where Mum volunteered done in the lead up to Mum’s death — we had a short seven weeks of knowing she was dying — and from her friends at church, her childhood, from her days as a youth leader, her time as an educator, playground designer. Oh, that grief weight, those names of children I now know as adults, my friends’ children. I sifted through and pulled out ones that I know my siblings would want to read, kept some that felt deeply personal and let the others go. It feels reckless letting these things slip away, but I know this is all part of the process. They need to be.

A box still to go through is full of boxes photos, negatives, silvers, film. Dad worked at Kodak for many years and this trail is through this box. Things I don’t quite know what to do with, what is salvageable, important. What I can see a sibling would want, is easy, the negatives are harder. There’s photos in there I have never seen of my parents in their youth and they give me a window into them before me, us. I’ve bought myself a photo scanner so I can capture these special images for all of us.

Dad and Mum sometime before us - no date or description on the back

The whole process has reminded me of The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning and how I don’t want to leave a burden like this for my children. And so, I get better at having a moment with my things, thank them for their wisdom, and let them go.

Ways of thinking

‘Slow is smooth, smooth is fast’ - Adam G

One of my coaching clients last week mentioned this principle of ‘slow is smooth, smooth is fast’.

Scientific studies support the notion that “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” When we rush, our brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for executive functions such as decision-making and problem-solving, becomes overloaded. This stress response can lead to errors, diminished creativity, and even burnout.

— Medium

This counterintuitive thinking roots from military and can be a super useful way to approach creativity. Work slowly so that your process is smooth to get to the goal faster.

Another way to reframe your thinking when perfectionism is getting in the way from starting, is to remind yourself that it is not about getting right straight away, it is about getting it started.

Five things

1. Smart tools - I’ve been trialling a bunch of different tools to help me do my job more efficiently. The one that Is helping me to understand how I use my time is Toggl. I’m on the free plan with is enough for what I do.

2. I was interviewed by Lisa Shaughnessy from Writing Retreat Directory a few weeks ago and it aired last week. It was the first time I’d been interviewed by a podcast. It was super fun despite the ridiculous tech issues that we encountered and I get pretty open about the joys and the challenges of running writing retreats. Lisa provides a wonderful service with her directory and you can find writing retreats all over the world on her directory. You can listen to my episode here or below

3. I start my Katharine Susannah Pritchard Fellowship in just under two weeks and I am so looking forward to having two full weeks to work on my current manuscript and catching up with some Perth-based writers. If you would like to do something similar, keep your eye open on their socials for their 2025 Fellowship applications

4. The leaf mites and aphids have returned in hoards in my garden. I’m back to plucking and burning the mites and squishing and spraying the aphids with Neem oil, but their return led me down the path of discovering the Ag Vic priority pest insects and mites. Don’t look if you don’t want to start dreaming of all the creepy crawlies. I’m hoping that nature will do its thing and the lady bugs, stick insects and lacewings will feast well.

   

   one tiny part of the aphid problem

5. One thing I love about cooler weather is getting back into my knitting and crochet projects. I’ve pulled out my scarf that I started last year in October. It was part of the annual Stephen West Mystery Knit Along shawl, but became bogged in controversy (watch this deep dive into how the controversy was handled) - something incredibly rare in the craft world. As it spun out of control, I decided to adapt mine to be something different. It’s not a shawl, but a scarf and doesn’t have the offending symbol of the original design (which is now, fortunately, unavailable).

   

   my adapted Stephen West shawl/scarf

Other things

Reading

“If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”
― Stephen King

The last fortnight, I’ve read/reading and loved/loving:

• Stumbling Stones by Airdre Grant - a memoir of grief and love

• Monsters: a fan’s dilemma by Claire Dederer - essays exploring this dilemma of loving the creative work of monsters

• West Girls by Laura Elizabeth Woollett - interconnected stories dealing with difficult themes of love, friendship, beauty, racism, classism and what it is to be female (one of the 2024 Stella Prize longlist that I am making my way through)

• The Pyramid of Needs by Ernest Price - an excellent and hilarious debut

• Gus and the Missing Boy Troy Hunter’s debut young adult novel

Watching

We finished Lovesick and it was the perfect antidote to One Day. We are now watching Fool Me Once (English series: hubby is shot and killed but then appears on the nanny cam, overbearing MIL and nanny acting weird), High Country (Aussie series that evokes Force of Nature feels: new cop to a remote high country town and there’s a bunch of people getting lost and turning up dead).

Open to other great suggestions - drop a comment below

Events I’m going to

Totally bummed to have missed the Sorrento Writers Festival, but all going well I will be out and about later this week at:

• Wednesday 1 May 6.30 pm at Readings in Carlton for an in conversation with Anna Downes (new book Red River Road) and Kate Mildenhall

• Thursday 2 May 6.30 pm at Readings Kids in Carlton for Emily Brewin’s A Way Home launch

• Sunday 5 May 1 pm at RAW Australia in South Brighton for Annabelle Sharman’s book talk yarn - a session of conversations and storytelling about healing and connections.

• Thursday 9 May 6.30 pm at Readings in Carlton for Murray Middelton’s launch of No Church in the Wild

Next time you hear from me, I will be in Perth for the KSP Fellowship. Stay well and til next time

x M