being

on learning to 'be' not 'do', and all that perfectionism baggage I have

Hello my dear Musers

Last Thursday when I caught up with my coach (even coaches have coaches), I told her I was feeling burnt out, out of balance and needed to work out how to gain some balance back. Over the hour, I talked about the things I was missing in my every day and what I was doing too much of.

I wrote in my notebook what I was wanting:

Stillness – in my mind

Get curious about my judgements on myself

I have a story I have carried as long as I can remember: try harder. This was reinforced by my Grade 6 teacher Mrs Gurry who made us chant and write over and again: Only my best is good enough. As a perfectionist, and someone who did not want to be on the receiving end of her punishing cane, I perfected (no pun intended) this to the point where those words still rattle around my brain.

It’s not a great message for someone with perfectionist traits. I’ve spent a lot of time as an adult unlearning that message as I know it sucks me into a hyper vigilant and unhealthy focus. The problem with it is it doesn’t allow for now to be good enough. Instead, it asks me to do better, all the time.

When I began seeing a psych years ago, I mentioned in an off-hand way that I wanted something I was doing (can’t remember what) to be perfect. She pulled me up immediately on this. Perfect, she said, sets unrealistically high standards and expectations for myself (and others) and leads to negative outcomes like anxiety, stress, and avoidance of challenges.

At the end of last week’s coaching session, I wrote:

I can decide to find peace in my body. Terrible equals a lie.

I wrote that last bit as part of the old story I tell myself is that it’s (I’m) terrible when I don’t get everything done, and perfectly, which doesn’t allow for experimentation, tiredness, burnout …

Last weekend, a long weekend here, our plan had been to go camping. My mind said, yes, that’s what you need for peace. The words I’d written down, reminded me that I could find peace inside my body instead. Besides, I had injured my neck and camping seemed like it would make it worse. So I turned my laptop off and decided to just be at home.

Be, not do.

It’s not something I find easy. I always have a number of things on the go at the same time, but instead of saying I’m no good at this, I say I’m learning.

On Tuesday, I fired up the computer and noticed how at peace I felt once again. The balance was back.

It was a great reminder that I get to rewrite my story (we all get to rewrite our stories) from needing to keep going at things hard in pursuit of perfection, to when I give time to myself to rest and recover, I am more balanced.

Lately: Claire; my tomatoes not eaten by the possums; great coffee shop in Footscray; car fun in Bendigo; Bendigo; time with F; Irma Gold's book launch; sad goodbyes; the unbreakable thong broke

Other things

Five things

1. Saw this while scrolling insta and it resonated with me

   scienceofessentials

   

   A post shared by @scienceofessentials

   Being near water allows us to access a semi-meditative state known as “drifting”. Drifting is a special form of attention where we are engaged with the world around us but not focused on getting something done.

2. Old news now, but I can’t stop thinking about the Chilean man who was swallowed by a whale before being spat out. No, his name was not Jonah.

   abcnews

   

   A post shared by @abcnews

3. An ABC news story the other day about how Tasmanian author Robbie Arnott turns to nature in hard times.

   

4. On IWD, ms.bronagh posted a great photo and even better message for all women on Instagram:

   ms.bronagh

   

   A post shared by @ms.bronagh

5. I love Jane Fonda’s speech on being a late bloomer: Just don’t miss the blooming

Reading

I’ve recently read and loved:

• The Honeyeater by Jessie Tu

• The Mix-Up by Kylie Ladd

• The Mother-in-Law by Sally Hepworth

• On Identity by Stan Grant

I’m currently reading:

• The Rewilding by Donna M Cameron

• Shadow at the Door by Jo Dixon

In case you missed it, I’ve been posting about the books I’ve read over on Book Chat:

The Honeyeater by Jessie Tu

The Mix-Up by Kylie Ladd

Watching

I’ve been in need of a bit of marshmallow watching, hence what has been screening on Dunley telly lately

• Queen of the South

• White Lotus Season 3

• Real Housewives of Sydney (no judgement)

I also watched In Flow of Words (below) which is definitely not marshmallow watching.

Until next time

x M