Dear You
a letter to my 18-year-old self on IWD
On this International Women’s Day, I have a bonus post for you which I wrote after reading Monique Mulligan’s latest post (thanks for the nudge
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Happy birthday, You
It’s your eighteenth birthday today and you’ve waited impatiently for this like so many things in your life. You have been so cross thinking it was unfair that you turned eighteenth long after your friends instead of loving the moment you have been in. You’re now halfway through your first year at uni, and you are not loving it. It’s a course that you only chose because the careers teacher made you pick three things you wanted to ‘be’ but you still don’t know if this is it.
It isn’t. Podiatry is not your thing, and soon it will be the first time you start making choices that feel authentic. Listen to what your heart is telling you, that you love the making of the orthotic pieces, the drawing in histology, the talking with the clinic patients. Creativity is where your heart lies.
I am torn with warning you of the years ahead that you will make choices that will hurt you, that there are years of pain heading your way, but I am now wise enough to know that all these things are the things that will ultimately make you who you need to be. None of these things are failures! These are the things that allow you to hold space for others, to have empathy so deep and wide. Some of the hardest things in the next seven years are training for when your most precious people need you to have these skills. Know that all these things are part of the sum of you.
It will be decades before you learn that pleasing others not only doesn’t serve you, but also doesn’t serve them. When you learn to love everything that makes you unique, you will grow strong and proud and this isn’t something that you need to hide.
Time is something that disappears too quickly when you are looking over your shoulder at yesterday instead of smiling at now and feeling joy at the future. Enjoy each moment as it comes.
Keep writing. Pick up that pen again and write. Don’t leave it for years. It is how you process life, people. Keep reading, drawing, creating. When you buy your first house, take the time to photograph the poems written on the walls and fence, collect the stories, write them down.
Spend more time with your parents, they won’t be here for long. Laugh, smile and notice more. Work hard at your friendships and don’t let boys get in the way of them. Keep your dog Finbah when that becomes a decision as he makes you happy.
Stop worrying if you’re fat. You’re not (take a peek at that photo below of you taken not so long ago in your homemade purple clothes!). You’ve been fed a lie, like so many women of your generation. Ignore those who tell you otherwise. Instead, love the body you’re in. Exercise because it feels good and be grateful for having a body that works well. Start meditating as this will help you to survive any rocky times ahead.
Let go of perfection. It doesn’t serve anyone. Instead, take risks and seek joy. In the words of a teacher who you’ll meet much later, back yourself. When you do, you make great decisions.
Continue to be passionate about people, humanity, justice and equality. Learn as much as you can by being curious. Seek deeper understanding of all you don’t know and then be brave to speak up when you see injustice.
Lastly, be generous to others and kind to yourself.
x Me
Beautiful.