Tiredness and gratefulness

This week has flown by in its usual pre-Christmas blur. I mentioned in my last newsletter that I was going to try to hold onto the stillness that I found in the desert. I haven’t. Instead, I am filled with overtiredness and irritablity that comes from overstimulation. It doesn’t take much for my brain to become overstimulated and when it does, it is much more prone to migraines and sleepless (uh, hello, Restless Leg Syndrome, thanks for joining me again) nights. Both of which have increased over the week. It’s a reminder to me that I do live with conditions that require some stillness away from the buzz.

Our annual band photo for our writers group but missing two of the gang who had the spicy cough. Styling from some random instagrammer who showed us how to pose

Over the last week, I attended three beautiful events with other writers to celebrate the year that has been. They ranged from highly intimate in someone’s home where we were warmed with homemade cocktails and a buffet of food, to dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by fancy cocktails and Nick & Nora, to a huge gathering of writers at my local pub (thanks to Matt Ryan Davies who came up with the Writers Christmas Party this year).

A few of us at the Writers Christmas Party: me, Christine Bell, Jem Tyler-Miller and Gina Perry who has her debut novel “My Father The Whale” coming out in June 2023

Events like these are a great reminder of the community we make as writers to help us feel like we belong to something. As writers, we are mostly sitting at home with our laptop or notebook in a world that we have created. Communing enables us to remember that we are not alone in our struggles to get published, picked up by an agent, or even finish that damn manuscript. It doesn’t matter how far along the publishing path writers are, all writers struggle with these things and the more they lean on each other for encouragement or commiserations, the easier that struggle is.

It's easy as a writer who doesn’t have their own book out yet to feel like I don’t belong at these events, but the opposite is true. The writing community is so welcoming. If you are writing but haven’t found someone to talk about your writing with, I’d recommend joining a writing group through your Neighbourhood House or Writers Victoria.

The words “I’m not special” (which I stole from a line from Vivian Kent as the main character of the Netflix series Inventing Anna) sprang to mind as I listened to some of these conversations at these events. It’s so easy to think that each of us are the only one to have a hard time getting published or getting noticed but in reality, it’s more common than not. And, those who get published still struggle with reaching enough readers, winning the prizes, getting the next contract. It reminded me of something I read in Madeleine Dore’s I Didn’t Do The Thing Today: On letting go of productivity guilt.

Dore quotes a conversation with Beci Orpin, artist, designer and author:

Even though I was having my own successes, in my eyes it paled in comparison to what they were experiencing at a similar stage of their careers.

Dore goes onto to explore the idea that we need to focus on our own successes and goals rather than comparing as this most often leads to jealousy and resentment. Years ago, I wrote about this blurry place creatives sit with jealousy and how it doesn’t help.

Other things

Reading

I’ve been reading my bedside journal, among other things. I haven’t used it for ages as I have tended to write when I’m not in bed. I opened it up this week and flicked back to 2020. It was during one of our long lockdowns in Melbourne. I decided I needed to write something about each day to distinguish it from the others. I didn’t look back, at the time, at what I had written, but now I can see how it’s good to find a couple of things to note down about the day.

10 Oct 2020 Saturday

Could be any day
slept till 10
migraine-drug fog
slow speed
muffled.

Another knitting project 
zoomed together.

Blob on couch
with cheese for dinner

Overfull
Tired
Bored

Gloating message from XXX 
about haircuts
and dining out

Hate her smugness

Ignore our gloom 
and watch Dutchess
from start to end.

What now?

---

Writing

After noticing this and remembering those days, I have taken up the practice of writing a sentence or two at the end of the day. I have also continued adding words to my messy first draft that still makes me laugh a little.

I had sent one of my short stories to a couple of writer mates who gave me helpful and encouraging feedback so I have been reworking the end of the story.

Celebrating

This week we celebrated our eldest’s graduation from medical school. It was a huge heart-swelling moment watching him step up to receive his degree. I was filled with pride when he also won the School for Rural Health Award.

In the time we spent sitting around between things on the day (there is a fair whack of sitting around time), my husband and I reflected on how only eight year’s ago, we had put our son in hospital for what was the first of many stints over the next two years and how we didn’t know if he would survive.

Hindsight and hard times makes us so grateful.

Listening

Last Friday I went to a play my son’s girlfriend was in (Coming out for Christmas). I say it was listening as it was performed as a radio play. It was great and a great reminder about how good it is to see creatives perform.

Tonight, I will listen to her perform her debut single Isn’t it funny at the Butterfly Club. If you’re in Melbourne, come along!

Lastly (if you don’t mind…)

I have been in a twist about creating content that is paid only. It doesn’t sit well with me mostly because I love talking/writing about this writing/thinking/creating game; however, I am reminded that my words matter when someone takes the time to tell me via comments, in person or an email.

I chatted with a dear friend about this recently and she suggested I create a Patreon account for people to support me by ‘buying’ me a coffee or two a month. So if this is a thing you would like to do, pop over to my rapidly created Patreon account.

Until next week (which will most likely be my last for the year)

x Meg